Oracle’s Real-Life Q & A

26 10 2007

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. ‘Parent keys not found !’
Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. ‘Duplicate value on index!’

Q. What if the golf ball doesn’t get into the hole at all?
A. ‘Value larger than specified precision!’
 

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else’s girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. ‘Insufficient privileges on the specified object!’

Q. What if you don’t get any response from the girl next door?
A. ‘No data found!’ or ‘ Query caused no rows retrieved !’

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. ‘SELECT INTO returns too many rows!’

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. ‘Invalid number’ or ‘ Object doesn’t exist!’

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. ‘Object is found mutating!’

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. ‘Discrete transaction failed!’

Q. What if you see ‘theatre full’ when you go to a movie?
A. ‘Maximum number of users exceeded!’

Q. What if you don’t get table in the lunch room?
A. ‘System out of tablespace!’
 





I Feared UNTIL ??!!!

18 10 2007

I feared being alone
Until I learned to like Myself .
I feared failure
Until I realized that I only Fail when I don’t try.
I feared success
Until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people’s opinions
Until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection
Until I learned to have faith in myself .
I feared pain
Until I learned that it’s necessary for growth
I feared the truth
Until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life
Until I experienced its beauty .
I feared death
Until I realized that it’s not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny ,
Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate
Until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance .
I feared love
Until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule
Until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future
Until I realized that Life just kept getting better.
I feared the past
Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light
Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.
I feared change ,
Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.





SQL Process For Marriage

17 10 2007


Wedding Query……..(Stored Procedure Style)
  CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@
BrideGroom Char(NotBad),
@
Bride Char(Good)  

AS
BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM india Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’
AND
CarCount > 2
AND
HouseStatus =’TwoStoreyed’
AND
BrideEduStatus=’PG
orAbove’
HavingBrothers=’NO’
AND
HavingSisters =’No’
AND
AllowRelocate =’YES’
AND SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw UPDATE MyBankAccout SET

MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal
UPDATE
MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES (‘BMW’)
 END
GO
 
..
.
.
.
.
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP  HUSBAND ;





Know your value

16 10 2007

well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note.

In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this Rupee 500 note?”

Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple the note up.
He then asked, “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and
started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all
crumpled and dirty. “Now who still wants it?”
Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose
your value.

You are special. Don’t ever forget it! Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams.
“VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED”






Test Your IQ

15 10 2007

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.

You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of

them immediately. Let’s find out just how clever you really are.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place

person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong!

If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place,

you are second!

To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took

for the first question.
Second Question:

If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are

wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

You’re not having a good time at this! Are you?

Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do

NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Third Question:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.

Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10.

What is the total?

Answer: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last

question right?

Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4.

Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the

question again!

Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with

this one!!!!!

Bonus Question:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By

imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully

expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now

if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses,

how should he express himself?

Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask. He’s blind, not

mute – so simple.

KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE “SMART PEOPLE” IN YOUR LIFE……….

“Ask not what your country can do for you: Ask what you can do for your country.”





Thank Your Mother!!!

12 10 2007

1.      When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you
You thanked her by crying all the night.

2.      When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.

3.      When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

4.      When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dinning room table.

5.      When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays
You thanked her by looping into the nearest pile of mud.

6.      When you were 6 years old, she walked you into school.
You thanked her by screaming, “I’M NOT GOING”.

7.      When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbour window.

8.      When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

9.      When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice it.

10.     When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

11.     When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the  movies.         
You thanked her by asking to sit in the different row.

12.     When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

13.     When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

14.     When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
             You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

15.     When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

16.     When you were 16, she taught you how to drove her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

17.     When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

18.     When you were 18, she cried at your school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

19.     When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of you friends.

20.     When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
             You thanked her by saying “It’s none of your business”.

21.     When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying “I don’t want to be like you”.

22.     When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe

23.     When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friend it was ugly.
24.     When you were 24, she met your fiancé and asked about your plans for the future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling, “Muuhh-ther, please!”

25. When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

26.     When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked by telling! Her, “Things are different now.”

27.     When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative’s birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were “really busy right now.”

28.     When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

29.     And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did, came crashing down like thunder on your heart.

IF SHE’ S STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER.
                                      AND IF SHE’ S NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.





Biometrics.

11 10 2007

Biometrics applies to a broad range of electronic techniques that employ the human physical characteristics as means of authentication. Nowadays, this technique is getting more recognition in the security domain because the old password systems are becoming more and more vulnerable to hackers. Biometric techniques make use of an individual’s distinct biological characteristics to provide a Bio-Password that is almost impossible to break by any traditional hacking method. Usage of Biometric authentication is often used in combination with other mechanical techniques to give robust protection to a system. Some examples of Biometric techniques are:

  • Facial Thermogram: In this case, the heat signature of an individual is captured using an Infrared device and stored into a database from which a person’s facial identity can be recognized by the same machine and can be used (in future) for recognition.
  • Fingerprint: No two human beings have the same finger impression in this world. Based on this conception, Biometric technique is often implemented. The line pattern on a finger (often the thumb) is recorded using an optical or infrared scanner and stored for future identification.
  • Hand Geometry: This technique is based on the assumption that every person has a different hand shape. It also assumes that after a certain age, an individual’s hand shape does not change significantly. This method measures length of fingers and/ or thumb, hand’s width etc. that are used in future to categorize a person.
  • Retinal Scan: Retinal Scan technology is based on the blood vessel pattern in the eye retina. When a retinal image is captured, an Infrared light source illuminates the retina to create a pattern.

The identifying power and utility of Biometric Techniques depend on FRR (False Rejection Rate) and FAR (False Acceptance Rate). FRR gives the measure of rejection of identification of a valid identity and FAR counts the rate of wrong acceptance of an invalid identification. So, to combine both FRR and FAR, biometric devices commonly include features which have variable threshold or sensitivity settings. These sometimes facilitate FRR and sometimes FAR, tailored to the importance of the secured system.
Like other powerful technologies, Biometrics too has disadvantages. First of all, if an individual’s Biometric identity is changed by some accident, the user will face problems. Also, in case of a malicious intervention, one runs the risk of losing his/ her life as Biometric Techniques are related to human lives.





A woman was born.

10 10 2007

The Autumn heralds the arrival of Devi Durga. She arrives with the powers of Knowledge (Saraswati), chivalry (Kartikaya), wealth (Laxmi), and strength (Ganesha) to overcome all the dark forces.                                                 

She was born from the powers of all Gods in order to slay Asura, a demon mightier than the Gods. Her victory symbolises the triumph of good over evil. Let us celebrate the advent of the Goddess with the magnificent story of a little woman.

Earlier this year I was travelling across villages in West Bengal when I came across an astounding lady, probably a little older to me, who was bravely wading her way through all hardships and living life with dignity and poise.

Her name is Zayeda Bibi. She lives in a small village called Sikirhat, still bereft of electricity. She is illiterate. She got married at the young age of 10. At 17 she was abandoned by her husband. By then she was already a mother of two sons. With no place to go, she went to live with her parents. Her elder brother, quite cruelly, allowed her to stay on the condition that she would provide for her parents and her younger brother and sister. She started working as a maid for numerous households. But that was not enough to sustain her family. She took to begging.

A few years back she got a small loan of Rs.500 from a micro credit organisation. She used it to buy threads to weave fishnets. She made nets of various dimensions and sold them each for Rs.500 – Rs.1,200 depending on the size. She made good money and paid off the loan within a few months. She could not only provide for her family now, but could also expand her business.

Next year she invested Rs.3,000 to buy paddy. After processing it, she started selling them in the local market. She made good profit. She also bought 6 ducks and 2 goats to start a poultry and meat business. Today she is the proud owner of 14 ducks and 6 goats and simultaneously runs all four trades.

She earned enough to send her children and siblings to school. Today her elder son and brother have both cleared class X board exams. She paid Rs.6,000 to get them both trained in embroidery work. They are now working in a sari factory.

Last year she spent Rs.18,000 on her sister’s wedding. Her younger son is still in school. After years of struggle, she celebrated Id this year by buying new clothes for each of her family members. Despite limited resources, her hard work, perseverance, and astute entrepreneurship has helped her emerge as a true winner and a Woman was born!





English Is a Crazy Language

9 10 2007

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language!!!





Check Your Tree

5 10 2007

What tree did YOU fall from? Find your birthday and then find your tree…This is really cool and somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology.

Dec 23 to Jan 01 – Apple Tree

Jan 01 to Jan 11 – Fir Tree

Jan 25 to Feb 03 – Cypress Tree

Feb 04 to Feb 08 – Poplar Tree

Feb 09 to Feb 18 – Cedar Tree

Feb 19 to Feb 28 – Pine Tree

Mar 01 to Mar 10 – Weeping Willow Tree

Mar 11 to Mar 20 – Lime Tree

Mar 21 – Oak Tree

Mar 22 to Mar 31 – Hazelnut Tree

Apr 01 to Apr 10 – Rowan Tree

Apr 11 to Apr 20 – Maple Tree

Apr 21 to Apr 30 – Walnut Tree

May 01 to May 14 – Poplar Tree

May 15 to May 24 – Chestnut Tree

May 25 to Jun 03 – Ash Tree

Jun 04 to Jun 13 – Hornbeam Tree

Jun 14 to Jun 23 – Fig Tree

Jun 24 – Birch Tree

Jun 25 to Jul 04 – Apple Tree

Jul 05 to Jul 14 – Fir Tree

Jul 15 to Jul 25 – Elm Tree

Jul 26 to Aug 04 – Cypress Tree

Aug 05 to Aug 13 – Poplar Tree

Aug 14 to Aug 23 – Cedar Tree

Aug 24 to Sep 02 – Pine Tree

Sep 03 to Sep 12 – Weeping Willow Tree

Sep 13 to Sep 22 – Lime Tree

Sep 23 – Olive Tree

Sep 24 to Oct 03 – Hazelnut Tree

Oct 04 to Oct 13 – Rowan Tree

Oct 14 to Oct 23 – Maple Tree

Oct 24 to Nov 11 – Walnut Tree

Nov 12 to Nov 21 – Chestnut Tree

Nov 22 to Dec 01 – Ash Tree

Dec 02 to Dec 11 – Hornbeam Tree

Dec 12 to Dec 21 – Fig Tree

Dec 22 – Beech Tree

APPLE TREE (the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always In love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

ASH TREE (the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be Egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE (the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) – vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, any talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

FIG TREE(the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE (the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.

HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE (the Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not enacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and riginality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

OAK TREE (the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unnrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE (the Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted. Without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

WALNUT TREE (the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of Contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, genious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very impathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner. People don’t care how much you know…Until they know how much you care.