A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is
soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yeah, but who wants HIM back?”
—————-
bhola grocery store
Bhola goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at
special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and
will probably feed cat food to his kids.
He asks Bhola to show him his cat
before he could let him have cat food.
Bhola goes home and returns with a
cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of
dog food and goes to check out.
The Manager again gets suspicious.
He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably
feed dog-food to his kids.
He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog
before he can let him have dog food.
Bhola goes home and returns with a
dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag.
He asks the manager
to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager puts his hand in the bag and
immediately takes it out.
He shouts at Bhola: “What! This is
shit!”
Bhola calmly replies: “Yes, and I want toilet paper”
————————————–
Sardarjis are not dumb
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to
New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired,
just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window
to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun. He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the
answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa.”
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don’t
know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000.”
This catches Santa’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this
torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s
the distance from the earth to the moon?”
Santa doesn’t say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill,
and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn.” Santa asks,
“What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references … no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress … no answer. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa
and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes
back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
————————————-
Son of sardar
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his
father.
” Dad, today we had a Spelling Class – All the other kids could only
say half the alphabet,
but I knew the whole thing.
Is that because I am Sardar?”
“No son, that’s because you are intelligent. “
Bantu seeming content
with the answer,
asks his father another question,
“Dad, today we had Math
class – All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to
20.
Is this
because I am Sardar ??”
“No son, that’s because you are intelligent,” replies his father.
Happy with the answer,
Bantu poses another question to his father, “Dad,
today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me,
I was at least twice their height.
Is that because I am Sardar ??”
The father replies, “No son, that’s because you are 31 years old.”
————————————————
Bhola’s body aches
Bholaji goes to the doctor and says “Doc, I ache all over.
Every where I touch it hurts.”
The doc says “Ok, touch your elbow.”
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doc, surprised,says “touch your head.”
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.
The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc… and
tells Bhola to come back after two days.
Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, “We’ve found your problem…”
“Oh yeah? what is it ?”
‘You’ve broken your finger!’
——————————————
God will save me
There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola’s house was rising
steadily..
Bhola was standing on the porch,
watching water rising all around him, when a
man in a boat came along and called to Bhola,
“Get in the boat and I’ll get
you out of here.
Bhola replied, “No thanks, God will save me.”
Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went
up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola,
“Get in the boat and I’ll get you out of here.”
Again, Bhola replied, “No thanks. God will save me.”
The water kept rising.
So, Bhola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, “I’ll drop
you a rope,grab onto it, and I’ll get you out of here.”
Again Bhola replied, “No thanks.
God will save me.”
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house.
Bhola fell
in, and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, “Why didn’t you
save me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?”
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, “What more would you have
me do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?”
_________________________________________________
Santa knows everybody
Santa was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to
know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, “OK, Santa how about Tom
Cruise?”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”
So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure
enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come
right in and join me for lunch!”
Although impressed, Santa’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s
house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Santa says.
“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yes, I know him, let’s fly out to Washington.”
And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and
motions him and his boss over, saying, “Santa, what a surprise, I was just on
my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After
they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who
again implores him to name anyone else.
“The Pope,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Santa. “My folks are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long
time.” So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the
masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, “This will never work. I can’t catch
the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards
so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out
on the balcony with the Pope.”
And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough,
half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and
is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss’ side, Santa asks, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out
on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who’s that on the balcony with
Santa Singh?”
_____________________________________________________________
Billgates and god
If Bill Gates were killed in a car accident. He might
find himself being sized up by God.
“…Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m
not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After
all, you enormously helped society by putting a
computer in almost every home in the world, and yet
you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do
something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m
going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference
between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places
briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy
beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around,
playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God.
“If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God, and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels
drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his
decision. “Hmm, I think prefer Hell,” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a
wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded, his voice full of anguish and
disappointment, “This is awful; this is NOT what I
expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened
to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful
women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver.”